


Jane Doe versus the Incredibly Ignoble Intentions

by nonky



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9692567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: Rich furrowed his brow. "I hate to be a tease," he said mildly. "This all sounds manipulative. What kind of person wildly propositions a lovely man like our Kurt for ages, then goes cold once it's a real date? He's going to think I don't find him sexy anymore."Minor spoilers for the promo photos for 2x14.





	

Jane Doe looked up as Rich was led back to the conference room. He'd been taken to a holding cell long enough to change into his evening clothes and primp for the upcoming mission. 

"Hi, Jane! Too bad you can't come with us tonight," he said brightly. "Stubbles and I are going to have a blast."

She wasn't sure about Stubbles, but Rich seemed in rare form. He was beaming with excitement, far more than was plausible for a party to have his old friends arrested. 

"Weller prefers quiet entertainments at home," she said primly. "He's going out tonight because he's good at his job"

Rich shivered in mock fear. "I'm getting a vibe of a teeny, miniscule resentment here. You were invited as Boston's plus one. I'd already RSVPed with a gentleman as my date. It would look suspicious to show up with a lady, even one so lovely as you when you're not making that face."

She scowled, crossing her arms. "I'm not making a face, Rich. I'm making a point. You are suspicious, and I'm expecting you to have good lies to protect Weller if it's necessary to explain why he's with you. I'm also expecting you to summon all the decency you have not to take advantage of the cover to grope him all night."

"I don't think you're a particularly terrible person," Jane said. "I think you saw better potential earnings in crime than legitimate business. You steered clear of human trafficking and anything involving children."

The hacker squirmed, his cuffed hands jingling against the large chain bracelet he'd added to his FBI provided jewelry. 

"That's not cool. I'll sell weapons and information, but I'm not handing kids around to be abused." Rich said, obviously offended. "I helped bad guys sell ugly stuff to other bad guys. I figured they would be doing it anyway, and I could be the gatekeeper for all the really reprehensible stuff. I've been giving the FBI cases to close all along. I'll put up with a lot of flack for having a past, but at least I wasn't pretending to have a noble cause. I like money and freedom and pretty things. I'm smart and I deserved my success. I didn't want to feel like a monster."

She nodded, satisfied. "You have morals. You want to be able to look at yourself in a mirror. So when you and Weller go on this mission - "

"Our date," Rich corrected. "He's my plus one."

Jane leaned in, planting her elbows on the table. 

"It's a fake date, not an invitation to put your hands all over him."

"I'm going to have to sell the story. No one is going to believe I'm not sleeping with him. The man wears a tuxedo like elegant bathwater. It drips off him all night, like eventually the whole suit will be gone and then nobody knows what might happen." Rich gave a sweeping gesture with his hands as he shrugged, somehow making the whole thing work with his hands cuffed.

Jane pursed her lips and tried to form some kind of argument, but she had pictured it and Rich was . . . not wrong about Weller in a tuxedo. 

"It not about how he looks," she said sternly. "Remember he's not dressed up for you, he's dressed up to present himself well. I need you to guide him around that party, take his arm, and introduce him like the accomplished, witty, respected professional man he is. You get to have his company."

Rich squinted, his shoulders tight as he scooted his rolling chair in to the table.

"His cover story is that he's actually, like, literally my escort. My actual paid date who I'm bringing to spite Boston," Rich said archly. "He is going as my man-whore. It's pretty much exactly the plot of Pretty Woman, actually."

Her body language perked up and she sat with her head tilted thoughtfully. "You are going to watch your mouth. You'll be very, very cautious with his life and his comfort. You're not going to pet his beard, or nuzzle his neck or comb your fingers through his hair," she insisted. "You're going to find the targets, and behave so nicely Weller will wonder if you're not feeling well."

Rich furrowed his brow. "I hate to be a tease," he said mildly. "This all sounds manipulative. What kind of person wildly propositions a lovely man like our Kurt for ages, then goes cold once it's a real date? He's going to think I don't find him sexy anymore."

Jane nodded. "Good, you understand."

Pouting, the hacker slumped a little. "I understand you're being very unsupportive of his moving on. You two kids tried really hard, and it's a tragedy you couldn't make it work. I'm shocked. And it's been a while for Kurt, so it's only fair to let him get back out there," Rich told her. "Think of this like a practice run for him."

She was so sick of people treating them like their two kisses had been a lengthy, serious relationship they had flaunted. It had barely been anything before it had been crushed under secrets. Everyone was just assuming they'd been together, and no one knew it had happened for a few days. 

"This is not a date, Rich, and you'll be polite to him or I'll break the hand he doesn't when you step out of line," she growled. 

"That is a ridiculous rule to give me," he argued. "What if we're breaking into an office -"

"Why would you-"

"And we get caught -"

"You're don't need to be in an office, so you won't get caught in one," Jane interrupted. 

"And I have to kiss that sweet mouth to keep him from getting shot by security guards? Would you prefer I let him be shot, Jane? Are you really this petty?"

The whole thing was just ridiculous; patently, annoyingly ridiculous. And Kurt Weller managed to get shot or blown up way more than even an FBI agent should. Jane's mouth twisted and she relented to the way Rich had cleverly played on her concern.

"If it is really life or death, obviously you do what you can to keep him alive and safe," she said lowly. "But no tongue. He's not easy."

Rich, sighing with exaggerated feeling, let his head fall back and looked into the distance. "He is so, so hard. He may well be my Everest, Janie, and I'm not ready to make the climb yet. But I can dream of myself on the summit, can't I? You can't control what I dream."

Jane stood up so fast her chair rolled away to hit the wall. She stood up and pointed aggressively across the table, one fist planted to lean in as she gave her best impression of Weller on a tear. 

"Best damn behaviour and not a smudge of harm or insult on him," she said loudly. "I'll know."

"I'll be careful with our boyfriend, Janie," Rich told her sincerely. 

Jane's retreat was purely to prevent her from having to come up with a way she could have been in danger from a handcuffed Rich Dotcom so she could claim his murder was self-defense.


End file.
